U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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