Porn is love you can see.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
