Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
