if i can run in heels then i can drive
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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