you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
