def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
