I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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