the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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