"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
