fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
