I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
