im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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