Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
