fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
