Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
How's work?
Spinning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
