I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
