Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have fence marks all over my body
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
