PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
