Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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