I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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