There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm like, not good at living.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
