i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sorry about my life...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
