Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
