I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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