Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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