Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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