no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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