I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
