Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
