marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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