I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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