I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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