my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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