Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
