I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
