and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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