you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize