I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
