he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
