I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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