My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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