p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
