Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
