Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
