had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
