That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
