If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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