You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
