I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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