I can tuck mytits in my pants
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
