I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
