I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
