There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
