My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
