Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
