just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
