Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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