I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
