It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
