Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
