somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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