Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
