the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
