so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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