Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
