I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
where are you?
Hypothermia
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
