Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
