Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
