you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize