Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
