he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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