how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
