let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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