What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she peed on how many people?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
