I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize