so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
