I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
