I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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