Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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