thus making me awesome and them whores
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
