I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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