my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
