You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
