My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
