Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
