I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
whose ass print is on the piano?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
